letting gas out.

This is the first time that i have been reacting slow and like as if i had a big rock stuck to my head. The reasons being that i am still trying to believe that i am moving out of my ROOM! and that there is way too many things keep happening at the same time. Namely, the loss of my job (IT helpdesk), renting out the house (and lossing my most favourite place to rest which is my room), running out of money (because i lost my freaking job) and the last but not least regaining my confidence in myself to carry on loving the person i love the most (my dear of course).

It seems that i need time at the beach sorting what needs to be sorted and get my head settled into my current time frame. It seems that i have left my brain somewhere after the 2 week ordeal at IT helpdesk that killed most of my brain cells. So much so that i decided to leave it there.

I think that because of my old relationship, i kind of suffered in terms of the ability to trust. I shroud myself in doubt and tend to not believe what any body says. I do not care about my pride being damaged. But i care about my level of confidence in trusting someone. There is a few incidents where certain some of my opinions (that was rather private) was shared willingly by another party which knew. (For those who don't understand, it means someone said something that i told as my personal secret or opinion to a friend who in turn purposefully or accidently spilled it out. If it wasn't for dear, i would have kept it all in my heart and u should see me dead on the floor due to too much preasure. I sure need to thank my dear for that else i would be really depressed if she hasnt sat down and hear me out. Indeed she is the person who i trust the most together with a few of my friends.

Learning to trust again is such a daunting task which i need to complete if not i will be a very doubtful person and could fall into depression as i tend to think to much and not let it out. So if you were to say something and i will be keeping quiet. Means i could be hurt or just letting my head wonder around.

This is a long post which is full of crap. i got too much things in my head and i need the beach to clear my head. Else i will be talking uther rubbish as seen above.